Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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