2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We left the knife in your bed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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