small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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