So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
