What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
