Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
