I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
