Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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