So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
