Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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