wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize