She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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