I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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