Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
