I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
