Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need water and some morals
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
