a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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