I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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