in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
foreskin is a definite game changer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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