so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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