between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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