did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
