I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
