i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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