He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
