I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
