everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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