ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
