not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
