oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize