Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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