Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
