my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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