Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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