She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
