She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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