You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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