I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
