she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
