how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my being single is dangerous.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
