Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
