Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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