Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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