this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
