i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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