question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
