I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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