i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
