Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
