i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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