If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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