Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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