At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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