I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize