I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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