i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
false alarm, still single
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize