I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
