i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
