So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
