This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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