Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
