He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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