the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
