mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
