Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
