Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So vagazzling was a success
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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