i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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