Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
