I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
