Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
