i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
