Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
