Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
