I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
