I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
