Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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