i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
