In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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