I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
