Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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