So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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