I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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