Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
