he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
