I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hate all girls vehemently.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
