I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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