so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
